Well if this weekend's sporting action didn't make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck and have you leaping from the sofa, punching the air shouting, 'BY GOD I WILL BE AT THAT OLYMPIC STADIUM THIS SUMMER, EVEN IF I HAVE TO GET NAKED AND ARRESTED IN THE PROCESS...' then you have no business here. Book your trip abroad now and get ye gone from the country's over-burdened transport system.
So joyous was I to watch an afternoon of sheer sporting excellence (marred only by Arsenal's dismal FA Cup kicking), that I couldn't help feeling uplifted and inspired by these impressive athletes. Well done to all the competitors and thank you for providing so much entertainment: Mo Farah, Jess Ennis, Chris Hoy, Victoria Pendleton, Joanna Rowsell, Jess Varnish, Shara Proctor, Robbie Grabarz, Hannah England, Holly Bleasdale and more – not to mention all the outstanding international athletes from around the world. I recommend YouTube-ing Tianna Madison's 60m run – she is outstanding.
And just as I thought things couldn't get better: yesterday's Evening Standard headline. Yes, I thought! I am a loser!!! Maybe I will go to the ball, cinders. Yet, upon reading the article, I am still as baffled as ever by the twists and turns taken by the ticketing professionals. Can't I just ring up and ask for the ones I want? No? Oh technology, you're sooo clever. Lord Coe says I could still be there. But I have to pick the tickets with the least demand or be incredibly clever. And that's if the website doesn't crash. So it seems that once again, we're subjected to the forces of nature and I'll have as much chance of winning this weekend's lottery by all accounts. If only I worked in local government methinks. But it's too late for that.
So you with tickets out there; you lucky, lucky people. Enjoy every minute. I beseech thee.